Monday, 24 August 2009

Bloggers Block, Bad stuff and Bravery

I've been a bit light on posting lately...not intentionally, I just haven't had much to say, or to share. Truth be told, a few crappy things have happened lately, and that is partly to blame for my absence. My Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, and I rushed back home to attend her funeral and spend time with my family. She was an incredible woman and greatly influenced my life. I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for her. Its been a really surreal few weeks post-Australia, and while I'm glad I got to see my family twice this year, it wasn't really a trip back that I wanted to make. I think I am still in shock and it will really only start to sink in the next time I take a trip home and she's not there. And its quite likely that next trip will be for my little sisters wedding, which will make it that little bit harder. I have to say though, despite her 84 years, and the general "oh, well (she wasn't young...)" reaction I get when I pass on my news, my Grandmother had a lot left in her. She was young. And she was active, fit and healthy, and her partner was 15 years younger than her. No, that was not a typo. 15 years younger. They danced every week up until a little while ago and she was really with it and vibrant. I'm so glad I saw her only a few months ago, but I still can't help feeling cheated. You know? And so I've felt that part of my childhood has now disappeared, and I'm that little bit older - not necessarily wiser, but definitely at a different stage in life.

And then today, I found out that an old acquaintance passed away. At 37. Of Lung Cancer. He wasn't a close friend, but he was a friend of good friends who were in a band together, and he was partially responsible for producing the soundtrack to my youth. So now, only weeks after feeling like my childhood was stolen, I now feel like my late teens and early 20's are somehow tainted or significantly further away somehow.

So, I guess this post is about life. And how short it is. And sometimes its not short, but it can still feel like its cut shorter than it should have been. So for all of us that are still here, we need to make sure that we are doing what we want to be doing, and that we're happy - and sometimes you need to be brave to get out of the rut you might be in. Because you just never know. And I guess we should all be living life like we only have one day left. I know that I'm not. But after today, I'm sure gonna.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Suzy... I have been reading your blog since the past 2 years now.

Sorry to hear about the loss of your grand-mother and your friend.

We tend to forget that life is indeed too short and we should try to get the most of it.

Christian
Christian@jeandemerry.com

redbrickbuilding said...

I'm so sorry for your losses and for the pain you feel. Your grandmother sounds like a remarkable woman, full of vitality and joie de vivre. I admire the depth of your love for her and wish you strength in facing this devastating loss.

Your blog posts, by the way, are always a bright spot in my day.

Pigtown-Design said...

I am so sorry to read of your losses. Please know that we're all thinking of you.

Susan said...

Hi Suzy,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear grandmother. Its been almost a year since my Gran passed away too. Surfing to your blog today I cannot believe how timely it is to me and my life. A good friend of mine passed away this morning... from cancer too.

I too have been stuck in a rut in the personal life department. Something to think about...

Thank you for your post. I hope things begin to look up for you soon. I will take your advice because as you say you just never know. I wish you a happy week!
kindest regards
Susan

Suzy said...

Thank you for the lovely comments guys...I really didn't want to turn this blog into a daily soap opera of my life, but I really needed to get that off my chest. The outcome, hopefully, we be me taking my own advice, and having some great news to share soon, with more pretty pictures - because I know that's why you guys really visit - not to read about my personal life!

mary said...

My heart goes out to you. Grief is so much a part of life and, like growth, can be so painful. My goal has always been to grow a little everyday...sounds easy, but it's not. So in this period of growth, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

DesignTies said...

I'm sorry you lost your grandma :-( It sounds like she was a strong influence in your life and was very special to you. My grandma was special to me, and I miss her a lot. She had a stroke in 2001, and I feel like I lost her then. She died in 2007, and I really miss her. Especially because my mom died in 1998, so now I don't have any of the important women in my life.

I agree 100% that we have to make sure that we're doing what we want to be doing. Which is why I decided to register for some residential decor classes -- I want to be a decorator, not a technical writer!! That's another step out of the rut I've been in for too long....

I hope you feel better soon, and start living life like you only have one day left!!

Kelly @ DesignTies

Michelle said...

Great advice! I'm sorry for your loss. I do look forward to your return :)

shelly said...

I so understand your feelings right now. :)

maison21 said...

suzy, i'm sorry for your loses, but you couldn't be more right. none of us knows what is around the corner, and we don't want our last moments to be filled with "i wish i hads".

best to you and yours-

oxoxo-

c.

mvastudios said...

condolences to you and your family for your loss. I've just discovered your blog and I already love it.

- Suzie - said...

What a sad but so wise post.
I am reading your post top down and I am amazed how quick you turned your life around ! Only about 2 weeks later you of this post you post about having quit your job and living like today is the last.
You made the best of it.
I am impressed. Thanks for sharing all this !
And good luck !!!